Greer: Hi everyone, welcome back to Grief & Grit. Today we’re talking about something that touches so many of us—grief and anxiety—and how the two often show up together. We’re joined by a very special guest, Shann Van Der Leek, co-host of the Anxiety Slayer podcast, and a longtime supporter of this show.
Simonie: Welcome Shann! We’re so glad to have you here. I love that we’re recording this on Friday the 13th—it feels very fitting. And also very real: Greer and I accidentally went to each other's houses this morning, thinking we were recording there. Just another reminder of how anxiety can show up in little ways too.
Shann: Thanks for having me! I’m so happy to be here. Grief-related anxiety is a huge topic, especially during times like the holidays. It often stems from overwhelming emotions and the uncertainty that follows loss. That anxiety can show up as panic attacks, racing thoughts, physical tension, and a fear of what’s to come.
Greer: After Jarrod died, I had panic attacks. I was already stretched thin with work and parenting during Covid. Suddenly I was also a widow with two toddlers. The anxiety was crushing.
Simonie: I totally relate. After Mark passed, I remember looking into the future and feeling like it was a black hole. Who was going to help me shovel snow? Make decisions? Raise the kids? I had no sounding board anymore.
Shann: That’s the first major source of grief-related anxiety: fear of the future. The second is hyper-awareness of your own mortality. You lose someone close, and suddenly it hits—you’re vulnerable too. That fear can stick around for a long time.
Greer: Yes! I remember thinking I needed to be wrapped in bubble wrap. And I’d tell doctors, “I’m the only parent—give me the best care because I have to live a long time.”
Simonie: I wouldn’t even fly alone for years because I was so afraid of something happening to me.
Shann: The third source is emotional overwhelm. So much is happening at once—logistics, emotions, survival. Your nervous system goes into fight-or-flight, and eventually, it can just shut down. That’s when anxiety can feel paralyzing.
Greer: That’s exactly what happened when I left my job. My therapist said I’d been in fight-or-flight so long, I’d frozen. It took a while to feel like myself again.
Shann: So how do we manage this? First, we need tools. One I love is EFT tapping. It might feel odd at first, but it’s powerful. Even saying something like, “Even though I feel anxious, I deeply accept myself” can be grounding. It gets us out of judgment and back into self-compassion.
Simonie: I’ve tried tapping before. It really helped. I just need to get back into it.
Greer: I haven’t tried it yet but I’m curious. I’ve noticed massage and somatic therapy really help me release the tension I didn’t even know I was holding.
Shann: That’s beautiful. Other great tools: journaling (even if it’s just a paragraph), guided meditations, breathing exercises, establishing a daily routine, and—big one—moving your body. Walking, stretching, yoga. Anything to prevent grief from getting stuck in your body.
Simonie: For me it’s walking. I walk with my dog Rosie every day, and when I miss it, I feel the difference.
Greer: I had to build a better evening routine too. Putting my kids to bed earlier gave me more time to decompress, and it made a huge difference.
Shann: Those little changes really add up. I also recommend a “Transition to Calm” meditation to help people shift from stress to presence—especially after work or caregiving.
Greer: So good. And I think we also need to normalize how grief and anxiety affect sleep. That 2–4 a.m. wake-up window is real.
Shann: Absolutely. Some ideas for better sleep: almond milk with a pinch of nutmeg (to help fall and stay asleep), magnesium, bedtime routines, and guided body scan meditations. The goal is to signal safety to your nervous system.
Simonie: Before we wrap, how can someone tell when anxiety is becoming unmanageable?
Shann: Signs include racing heart, shallow breathing, looping thoughts, and physical tension. If anxiety is interfering with daily life, it’s time to seek professional support. Start small—deep breaths, grounding, and self-compassion. You’re not alone.
Greer: Thank you, Shann. This was amazing. I’m walking away with new tools and so much reassurance.
Simonie: Same. And to our listeners—grief and anxiety can be overwhelming, but you’re not broken. With support and simple practices, it really can get easier.
Shann: You’re stronger than you know. Thank you both so much.
Greer: We’ll see you next time. Thanks for listening.
